One year ago, someone held my hand and sent me home while I was puking embarrassingly on his birthday having drunk too much soju. It was definitely touching and memorable. One month later I asked him if he could wait for me as I was going through my “issues”. Unfortunately or fortunately he didn’t and I ghosted him since. 

One year later these “issues” have not been resolved and I met someone else who gives me the same feelings but I’m trying to stay away because I can’t deal with any promises or disappointments. 

Is there such a thing called the right person wrong timing or are all the wrong timings all the wrong people?

#stormsense

Mark 6:45-56 tells the story where the disciples were in a boat, they appear to be stuck in a storm for what seems to be hours. they were lost, they were scared and then jesus appears on the shore in front of them yet no one notices. the verse says jesus was about to pass by and walk away but he didnt. after a long while jesus called out to them, but they were hesitant and thought it was a ghost, until Peter takes the leap of faith and asks if he could walk over to jesus.

it seems like a simple story but it's so deep in meaning. the scenario happens after the 5 bread 2 fish miracle, where jesus fed thousands of people with the offering of a little boy's food. having witnessed the miracle, the disciples still seem to be doubtful and forget that jesus' omnipotence.

i cried when i was listening to the sermon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9sLIQB5bmk) because it so accurately described my current life ): im lost like the disciples; i thought i had a direction but waves just seem to keep crashing and pushing me off-course. im tired of panicking but it feels like nth is ever going right and nth will go right ):

i know i just need to trust but how do i have faith again?