what does your birthday say about you?

mine says..that im a very private, individualistic and independent person. though im not a strong believer of horoscope i would probably say that's quite accurate of my character

i'm typically not a big fan of birthdays and celebrations and definitely not one who does like "im grateful for being born" kinda posts on birthdays

tbh i wasnt like that last time

looking back at all my hidden posts i would say i have changed. a lot. more solemn? probably more stoic. and definitely more private.

i dunno.

what changed?

life?

maybe the things ive seen and experience have changed me. is it for the better? i dunno

but am i proud? of the 29 years i achieved? maybe? maybe not. i used to dream that i would be so much more when i reached this age. married with a kid or two. climbing the career ladder. or working overseas in somewhere cool. never would i tot that my birthday wish would be for the people around me to stop dying i guess. 

im sorry if it sounds morbid but this is exactly the kind of thing i cant openly say when people ask me what my birthday wish is. i cant cry and tell people if wishes could come true, i wish there would be no illnesses in the world, that people wont suffer and fall ill.

im sorry for being private about such matters but i dunno how to explain and open up to others. if i have real birthday wishes, i hope people never get to see the paleness of a dead body; a sight that never get erased from your memory no matter how tired you are and how your eyes are closing. the sight of your mother bawling her eyes out - the same woman who is strong enough to survive 2 cancer relapses; i hope people never have to see their loved ones suffer in hospital beds or lose so much weight or just have refluxes from all the medicine they have to take and you just cant do anything to help them.

i wish: people never have to experience loss and death ):

and my condolences to the family of 14-year-old girl who jumped. i know the pain you feel. i really do. i know what it means when you say it never goes away, it will always be on your heart. i do. ive been there too.