It’s 3am and my stupid brain isn’t letting me sleep again.

Instead it’s playing out a scene from my childhood. It wasn’t a happy scene though. In that playback there was a woman who was at my doorstep screaming at my mother. She was a married woman with 3 kids and they used to stay in my house for a period of time. I remember all the family’s names and I found them on Facebook (stalker alert haha). Anyway I remember I was walking home from school that day and I was terrified to go home after I saw her at my doorstep being hysterical. I know the reason why she was screaming (I could hear all her nasty words when I was hiding behind the pillar) and I still remember all the nasty words she said to me when she was a guest in my house. Just wanna forget all the unhappy stuff and pretend to not know anything and pls let me sleep urgh.

Mr Tan to me ytd: Do you use Dove shampoo?
Me: What? Did you just smell my hair?
Mr Tan: The smell very strong..

Should I be creeped out he smelt my hair or complimented that he likes it? 😂

Mounts of gratefulness today (:

-Had a good lunch catch up with my ex-boss M
-Met ex-colleagues for tea, where a senior shared with me his experiences
-Then productive church camp meeting at night where we made such good progress. you know just 2 weeks ago laoshi was telling me how worried she was about it cos we literally had nth out. and i was telling her as camp chair i wasnt worried but truth was i really was kinda scared because i had no plan also. and i actually forgot about today's meeting but then thank God that today a lot of things fell into place which i am really really glad (and i am kinda excited to see it come to fruition! :D )
-And simple things like uncle xc dropping me at marsiling mrt cos meetings are so far away from my house

you know it's so scary to lose hope sometimes. i dont look like it, but sometimes when things get to me i can get pretty negative and then i will say very mean things to people. and then sometimes when you're so caught up with life - with work with commitments with teaching with guiding and mentoring you forget that you need mentorship and guidance too (':

thank you to those who listened to my hopes dreams and goals. it really means a lot to me cos it's scary talking them out to people who might judge you (':

(Okay this post is 1 week late cos ive been procrastinating)

V. thankful for today!

Aaron (my student's dad) sat in for class today cos he was interested to be a SS teacher (THE FIRST GUY HAHA) so he has been going to a different class each week and this week he joined my class.

but backstory first. i have 6-7 kids in my class (AND THEY ARE ALL BOYS) so yup you get it. plus they're at this age where they keep talking non-stop about literally under the sun including "sensitive topics" and to make it worse i have received complaints feedback that they have been "bad influence" to the younger ones cos of the things they talk about but you know kids are kids; they really have no filter.

anyway back to Aaron joining my class. i was kinda worried/relieved (?) is it ironic to feel these two feelings at the same time? hahha. worried cos you know, boys will be rowdy and if i cannot control the class then i will "lose face and authority" as a teacher but then relieved at the same time cos his son is the naughtiest in class and kinda like the leader who starts all the nonsense in class so he can finally see how his son behaves in class and also hopefully that when he's here his son will behave.

but anyway I SURVIVED! or rather HE SURVIVED as i jokingly said to him. he was rather impressed how i was able to capture the hearts of the boys, how i could reply all their nonsensical questions and statements and he kept laughing all the way in class awww. and yup he has 2 boys at home but i have 6 so who's the more 厉害 one HAHHAHA. okay kidding.

but still v v thankful that everything went smoothly. maybe i might consider having sons next time (as if i can control hahah)

The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; Matthew 9:37