“Piglet?” said Pooh.

“Yes Pooh?” said Piglet.

“Do you ever have days when everything feels… not very okay at all? And sometimes you don’t even know why you feel not very okay at all, you just know that you do.”

Piglet nodded his head sagely. “Oh yes,” said Piglet. “I definitely have those days.”

“Really?” said Pooh in surprise. “I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out.”

“Ah,” said Piglet. “Well here’s the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out… they probably haven’t. Actually, everyone has days when they feel not very okay at all.. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

“And the second thing you need to know… is that it’s okay to feel not very okay at all. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel not very okay at all, is come and find me, and tell me. Don’t ever feel like you have to hide the fact you’re feeling not very okay at all. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there.”

i think i need to disappear for a while..

when people tell you to be yourself, do they already have a pre-conceived notion of how you should be? conversations with the bros tell me that i'm not attractive as a girl because im not gentle, im stubborn, im too strongheaded etc. but at the same time they tell me to be myself ?? they compare me with some other girls they find "gentle" and "lovable". but then again those girls have no suitors but i do. it's just that with those who confessed to me it was never sth right.

im really not trying to be difficult. but im tired of mansplaining myself. if you were in my shoes and have a lot to fight for, would you choose to be strong as well?

those who want to understand will try.

Let them be wrong about you. There's nothing to prove.

//sometimes i feel im almost there
//but sometimes i feel im never ever getting there

just learned about the death of a friend through a short catch up with another old friend ): apparently it happened about 9 months ago and i didnt know about it

i cant imagine what it must been like for the family. it's so hard to talk about it even as friends. i rmb how i was telling my mother a few years back about leo's passing and bawling about it cos he really meant a lot to me (as a big bro) and my mother was very impatient about my sobbings she said in chinese: "everyone knows someone who died, what's the big deal" and i felt it was very insensitive of her to say so cos nobody my age is supposed to die unnaturally. my age is supposed to be (nearing) the prime - where people get married, start new careers, start their lives proper and have great dreams ):

i cant imagine how much chels must have been suffering if she could just take her life like that )): she seemed like a simple happy girl back in school )): and im sorry that i couldnt be there for her in the times she needed someone most ):

it made me wonder also, if anyone could detect unhappiness in the posts you write, the instastories you share and actually reach out to you? if you here are reading my posts now would you know if i were suffering from depression?

and one more thing that came to mind:

death is always a reminder that the things we face when we are living are trivial. like ytd i was very upset at W and the things he said to me and i drafted my thoughts about how his words affected me but i guess it's really nth now. what and why am i holding grudges for when there are people holding their last will to live? holding on their desperate call for someone to care and understand them? ):

we need to cherish EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

we will miss you chels ): hope you're happier in God's arms ):

p.s it's funny how i actually met the brother of chels first, and how i was literally friends with her for a year or more before i realized that they were siblings, despite the similarity of their rare surnames! (yes sounds so stupid i know)

Shared this on my fb but just wanna share this here too in case it gets covered by other random fb stuff that i share.

1 is the most true for me i guess. i ghost people guys a lot. i unconsciously do. its like there's this invisible line where once you get closer things will start to get awkward. then i'll start backing away. it's funny how i do that to people but actually i never wondered if anyone does that to me. probably so?

and

i dont like how people guys can say sth to you over text but in real life they act like so normal.  it's awkward cos im very affected by the text and i dont want to see them in person but somehow i still do but the guy acts like nth happened. i really dont like uncertainty. okay im talking about a particular someone but in 1 year time it'll probably not be impt anymore. okay goodnight btw it's a palindromic date today 02022020 (:


Why Dating As A Millennial Is So Screwed Up

When we were younger, romantic relationships seemed so much simpler. If we liked someone, we told them — and if they felt the same, we got together. These days, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating, and dating as a millennial is seriously screwed up.

1. WE GHOST AS A WAY TO END THINGS.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them — we simply stop responding. If someone did this to us in real life, it would be completely psychotic, but because it’s over text or an instant message, we’ve somehow resigned ourselves to thinking it’s OK. Newsflash: it’s totally not. Even in the golden ages, the “Dear John” letter was left on the table in the foyer, but now, we’re lucky if you even get a typed string of characters saying “I’m sorry, it’s not working.”

2. WE’RE HYPER-FOCUSED ON SEX.

Sex is scarily available — we can have it simply with the swipe of a finger. There’s zero effort made into getting to know someone for who they truly are unless we’re willing to undress and show the most sacred parts of ourselves first. And most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship — it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

3. WE’RE IN A COMPETITION OF WHO CAN CARE THE LEAST.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we’re interested, it leaves the person we’re affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually give a crap about them. There’s little gratitude for honest and happy emotions.

4. WE’RE TOO STRATEGIC ABOUT OUR RESPONES.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available. It’s amazing how millennials view the luxury of having instant access to communication as something we need to treat as if we’re still using carrier pigeons. Instant messaging is just that — it’s instant — but we still withhold our response times to try and show just how busy, important, and unattached we are. What backwards and BS logic.

5. WE EXPECT A PERFECTION THAT DOESN’T EXIST.Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces leads us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist. We write people off for a minor detail and quickly look for the next best thing that we’ll somehow also find flaws in. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials. We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bond and that with the amazing things come imperfections as well.

6. WE’RE OVERLOADED WITH OPTIONS.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone that makes us feel great and we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we’re never quite willing to give up the search. The never-ending journey becomes more exhilarating than the actual prize itself.


7. WE’VE BECOME CONTENT WITH BEING ALONE.

While we’ve been navigating the journey to find love, we’ve consequently committed our lives to ourselves and made them into something that’s happy and rewarding without someone to love, which means it’s that much harder to invite a relationship into our lives. We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone. Sometimes we even find minor and trivial reasons not to because we’re secretly happy with things just the way they are.

8. WE’RE ALWAYS STUCK IN A GREY AREA.

Almost relationships and no strings attached sex are the millennial versions of commitment. We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions, some lie about their intentions entirely just to have their ego’s stroked for a while, and basically no one has any clue wtf is going on.

9. WE DON’T FEEL ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE PAIN WE INFLICT ON TO OTHERS.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs. It’s not our problem — it’s theirs. A person’s emotions, even if caused by something we did or said, is up to them to resolve. We feel entitled to walk around acting like complete losers with the expectation that the way it’s received is a reflection of the person we dump our stuff on and nothing to do with the fact that we were the cruel ones.

10. WE’RE ALL JADED AS HELL.

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture. We’re in the thick of a hookup culture that values sex more than love, temporary fulfillment instead of life-long commitment and lazy ass communication that often gets lost in translation. We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more stuff constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment. Dating as a millennial is like being in an apocalypse of love — and it’s pretty screwed up.

https://www.bolde.com/dating-millennial-screwed/

What if I never get over?
What if I never get closure?
What if I never get back all the wasted words I told ya?
What if it never gets better?
What if this lasts forever and ever and ever?

And what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do?

Lady Antebellum