just learned about the death of a friend through a short catch up with another old friend ): apparently it happened about 9 months ago and i didnt know about it

i cant imagine what it must been like for the family. it's so hard to talk about it even as friends. i rmb how i was telling my mother a few years back about leo's passing and bawling about it cos he really meant a lot to me (as a big bro) and my mother was very impatient about my sobbings she said in chinese: "everyone knows someone who died, what's the big deal" and i felt it was very insensitive of her to say so cos nobody my age is supposed to die unnaturally. my age is supposed to be (nearing) the prime - where people get married, start new careers, start their lives proper and have great dreams ):

i cant imagine how much chels must have been suffering if she could just take her life like that )): she seemed like a simple happy girl back in school )): and im sorry that i couldnt be there for her in the times she needed someone most ):

it made me wonder also, if anyone could detect unhappiness in the posts you write, the instastories you share and actually reach out to you? if you here are reading my posts now would you know if i were suffering from depression?

and one more thing that came to mind:

death is always a reminder that the things we face when we are living are trivial. like ytd i was very upset at W and the things he said to me and i drafted my thoughts about how his words affected me but i guess it's really nth now. what and why am i holding grudges for when there are people holding their last will to live? holding on their desperate call for someone to care and understand them? ):

we need to cherish EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

we will miss you chels ): hope you're happier in God's arms ):

p.s it's funny how i actually met the brother of chels first, and how i was literally friends with her for a year or more before i realized that they were siblings, despite the similarity of their rare surnames! (yes sounds so stupid i know)