so..i gotta write this down before i forget. it wasnt the easiest of weeks --- the week started out terribly in fact, with news from ting that daryn gor gor was gone ): he always had this stomach illness thing which forbade him to eat veggies but all along he was coping fine except for having to go to the hospital for stomach pumps now and then. and that day his illness suddenly took a toll on him and even his life ): i rmb him being very cheerful and happy-go-lucky, and rmb partying in his car with his cheena songs every time we go for lunch ): ): how could such a happy man just suddenly leave like that! leaving his wife and his only 4yo son ): jp said little ashton didnt know that his father was gone forever and it only hit him when he was asked by the priest to offer incense to the body :'( omgggg.

so my week was kinda sad. i know deaths are inevitable but i naively believe that death should come to those who have lived out their lives long and fulfilled, with no regrets, and not to those who still have many many years to accomplish and savour *wails loudly*

and then these pictures happened. W was just texting in the group chat saying that he left Alan food at his gate and i just casually replied a "wah sibei sweet" and what happened next was a picture showing that W left food at another door and with my name tagged. i legit was surprised?! hahah so i quickly ran out, even forgetting my mask but i didnt catch a glimpse of the 好人 laaa. and then W even chimed out a poem about me missing his 背影? LOL here it goes

HAHHA i kennut. my 笑点very low. but good attempt huh. and what jo texted me next was even more heart-wrenching. it was raining that day when W delivered the food and apparently while he was walking from Alan's house to mine he slipped and fell? :O :O he was limping all the way to my house but still acted like nth happened in the group chat. whatttt i feel even more guilty now. how to not 感动流泪 (GDLL) when such a guy does such a thing for you :')

anyway W is just a very good friend so dont anyhow think ah >.<

p.s. the second pic is just alan making fun of my story by copying the same thing, up to the brick wall. A+++ effort!

thank you sweet friends. my heart is very full

:')

been having lucid dreams lately..so ashley shared her ridiculous dreams with me and i shared mine with hers hahaha.

so i was going into this house which i assume it's mine la. but the setting was very european-ish. the house was brightly lit and had glass doors, actually come to think of it it looked more like a store in one of those european alleys rather than a house. so i walked inside and found two women sitting on the counter. cant rmb how the women looked like and who they were but i went ahead to attack them with a penknife??

after that i dragged them out of the house but i didnt call the police; i just continued to hold on tightly to them. and then the scene changed, i was at a parade, everyone was sitting down and the two women were sitting in front of me. there was also this dude sitting next to me but i had no idea who, just that i suppose it's my friend cos i was quite close to him. and then i spotted police in the parade and i went up to them and the dream stopped HAHAHA. weird hor. maybe both A and i very stressed ba

Okay i just wanna talk about this

it's trying times now for everybody and those in the f&b/retail/travel & tourism are hit the most..but then there's also a lot of good samaritans (other than the gov) coming up with initiatives to help the vulnerable which is nice but then again it's not perfect...soooo there's one such intiative known as the "belanja-a-meal" (belanja means to buy/pay for in malay) and it was implemented at yishun park hawker centre (yphc) near my house so i went over ya.. (https://yishunparkhc.sg/belanja-eat/)

Anyway there's two ways you can support this programme - giving cash in person at the stall or through electronic means. I didn’t want to donate through e means as I wanted to see which store had more unclaimed meals etc. So i went down and i looked around at the stalls, the type of cuisine they sell, how popular are the belanja meals..and i settled upon this zichar stall so i gave the uncle $5.

But the uncle rejected my money and asked me to save my $5. I say it’s okay la I want to help those poor grab/delivery drivers. But he say all the people who have been claiming these meals are not people who need them but rather selfish, greedy people who bring their 三姑六婆 to eat free food.

It’s a good initiative no doubt but in reality the help doesn’t go to those who really need it 😔 and the stall owners are in no position to reject those who claim these meals ☹️ and he also added that this would work better in “poorer” estates like Chinatown where there are a lot of old uncles but truth is I don’t think the old uncles would go and claim also

just sad ): can we really help those who need help?

hi it's good friday!

it certainly doesnt feel like it cos we're under (soft) lockdown sigh. i did ask God for a break in work but i guess the break didnt come in the way i intended >.< i still rmb how we started with 1 case..then 2nd in the world with 40+ cases..then suddenly europe + korea + japan shot up and we were still working hard on maintaining zero deaths and the mask and the toilet paper sagas...and now im just immune to everything i guess.

i just cant wait for things to go back to normal. im tired of tracking people's declarations all day, sourcing for masks, not being able to go anywhere (my macs ):) and being a fat ass sighhhhxxzzxxzxz okay i know i need to be grateful that i still have a job and im earning enough to be self-sufficient. those families with kids are having it so much worse, especially if the parents are front-liners and those poor blue collar workers where the spread is so rampant :O

may the world heal soon

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Failing terribly as an adult. Help

7 days late. This post was intended to talk about 29 Feb which happens once every 4 years and hence considered special but im a big procrastinator haha.

I drafted this when I was sitting comfortably on a train from Taipei to Taichung. On my annual leave and I chose to go Taiwan despite many food poisonings the previous trips cos the stupid virus has gotten us stranded everywhere but I still badly need a break ):

So many things still cloud my mind though I’m supposed to be enjoying my holidays. Acne scars and terrible dry skin coupled with stress and a lot of unanswered commitments ):

My original post says I have yet to reply Alan G but update!! I spoke to him ytd 3 days ago haha. After conveniently avoiding the topic for over a month? Sorryyyyy. Life got in the way lol.

This trip has been a very good break. I slept through my alarms for many days and I got to explore new places as well. Will post photos up soon!

Anyway the 29 Feb thingy has reminded me of the Leap Years by Wong Lilin. Promises, continuity, accountability.

What would it look like 29 Feb 2024?
Where would I be?
Will I be happy?

“Piglet?” said Pooh.

“Yes Pooh?” said Piglet.

“Do you ever have days when everything feels… not very okay at all? And sometimes you don’t even know why you feel not very okay at all, you just know that you do.”

Piglet nodded his head sagely. “Oh yes,” said Piglet. “I definitely have those days.”

“Really?” said Pooh in surprise. “I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out.”

“Ah,” said Piglet. “Well here’s the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out… they probably haven’t. Actually, everyone has days when they feel not very okay at all.. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

“And the second thing you need to know… is that it’s okay to feel not very okay at all. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel not very okay at all, is come and find me, and tell me. Don’t ever feel like you have to hide the fact you’re feeling not very okay at all. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there.”

i think i need to disappear for a while..