Happy new year! 

Why is the new year always happy? Im not very sure either but since the new year is always associated with new opportunities, new clothes etc and new is almost always better i guess

Anyway im not one big on resolutions but im kinda the reflective type so i guess here are my thoughts about the new year

Things to be thankful for in 2022

1. Resumption of travel! didnt travel far last year, only crossed the border haha but being able to travel again brings so much joy and relief of stress though it's only to our neighbouring country. i feel that travel makes people open and more cultured and travel also makes me appreciative of SG - the efficient customs, the safety, the transport and the sheltered walkways. yes weird thing to mention but every time it rains im reminded of my piano teacher telling me to be grateful that SG govt (not PAP sponsored post thanks) spends money to build shelters. she had some students from hk and their parents were telling her that when they moved from hk, one of the things they realized that sg was different from hk was the sheltered walkways which they were very grateful for.
2. Moving out of my parents' house. though i wish it's cos i got married or got my own place but i guess it's close enough. am very appreciative of the freedom i get and the opportunity to be independent (though i say i was rather independent since young, i washed my own clothes, i cooked etc) but it's different when it comes to making decisions. one thing i hated back home was that i couldnt use the kitchen freely and i couldnt buy home appliances though i said i would pay for them. oh and how i would be scolded for forgetting to off the wifi before i went to bed. yes sounds stupid but my father is very particular about leaving wifi on when nobody is at home or when everyone is asleep :/ maybe it did make a difference in the internet bill? i dunno
3. Managed to catch up on some shows on my bucket list. haha it's a simple joy for me. i finished a couple of korean zombie/supernatural dramas like happiness, kingdom (my fav genre hehe), netflix ori like emily in paris and wednesday (addams) (pls watch it's good) and some disney movies like encanto (skipped all the singing but is still good) heh. oh and im waitng for alice in borderland 2 to be uploaded on (unconventional) sites hehe

Things to focus in 2023

1. Sleeping earlier hahah. ironic that it's now 1.30am as i type this..i have been sleeping at 4+am the past few nights cos i was playing games/watching shows and i told myself i'll try to sleep earlier but i always feel the gush of inspiration to write in the middle of nights :O anyway work is starting in 2 days so yes i'll sleep earlier haha
2. More discipline in health. exercise has been on my list of resolutions for years buttttttt no excuses haha. im quite a lazy person to be honest. you know there are those 20min exercise videos that you can do every day but i still dont do them 😳 haha but i think other than exercise i feel that i should work on my diet too. i promise i'll cut on macs/kfc/fried food/oily food and DRINK MORE WATER. seems simple but i realize that if im in the office i rarely drink water. i just drink coffee and buy avocado for lunch and then it's tea after lunch  😳😳😳
3. Reading/Studying. i like going to the library or buying books at bookshops actually. but i dont read hahahahahaaha. if there is the movie version of the book i would rather spend the 2h to watch it. but i try to read i guess. like maybe a few pages before bed? lately travels to malaysia have also prompted me that i need to work on my melayu again. i learnt it before and still can comprehend 50% of the signs in malaysia and can converse comfortably to get around but i wanna push my ability to 80%? or best be effectively trilingual which can be helpful for mps hehe
4. Learning a new skill. been wanting to re-learn blading for a while, anyone wanna learn with me? or maybe skateboarding. seems cool!
5. and most importantly. more focus on devotion. im scared to admit but i think i might have backslided a bit ): 2022 hasnt been the best year and i confess that i may not have been the best christian. i use vulgarities, i judge people and in 2023 i will try to be more conscious of my actions. and be more disciplined in daily devotions (i did day 1 so im off to a good start! :))

that's all for now i guess and p.s. looking for an accountability partner on my list above :D and hopefully when i revisit this in a year i can say i am proud of myself (': gn!

hello! (:

it's been a long time since i properly sat down to journal. i've been rather lazy and undisciplined though i do have many thoughts every day hahah. ironic that i watched a TSL video last night on getting the talents to be disciplined and wake up at 6am for the whole week but i dont think that motivates me enough haha

anyway the past months have been rather eventful with many firsts (': long post ahead so be warned

1) finally took a class on latte art! it's something that i wanted to do for a long time. did it during my solo trip to KL and paid RM 300 for it (x2 cos the guy said he didnt receive my money and made me send again -.- pretty sure he was lying but fine) rather interesting course but i sadly destroyed my white shoes *cries. thankfully it was just $20 shoes

                                 

                                    probs 1/4 of the coffee i wasted before i got a good one                         

    

      my poor shoes ):

2) did a baking class when i was in KL too. not exactly a first time but proud of how things turned out (one step closer to my cafe dream maybe?)

matcha cheesecake (: i decorated the strawberries myself

3) did a public speaking in full chinese for the first time at a grassroots events for the summary of ndr. it was supposed to be lixin doing it but she had a terrible fall and cmi so i agreed to do it :O at first i thought it was only to like 10pax but when chris sent a photo of his audience i got damn scared cos it looked like 30-50 pax but im glad everything turned out fine for my sessions. all the aunties and uncles were very supportive and cute (and thankfully they didnt have any hard questions) :D im kinda proud to say that im bilingual too hehe 

4) finally managed to do foundation day after last year's hiatus. we went to kayak n clean the kallang river. so fun but tiring haha

5) visited a new city Kluang in malaysia HAHAHAH thanks to MY as usual (my jb-loving friend) we becoming more and more malaysian lol. it was a short weekend trip but we managed to squeeze in an organic farm tour, a coffee factory run and had my fav bkt ((: but on the bus back the jam was so bad though it was only a 2h ride. i had to pee so bad even though i went to the toilet before the bus ride and i was praying to God so hard not to let me pee my pants. really hope this kind of situation never happens again. im more afraid of losing my face than spoiling my bladder :3

albeit all these, i do have some worries as well

Finances - i think it's hard not to compare when you're out with others but im starting to feel underpaid and discontented with work now that i hear people get big bonuses and better salary increases and then at my workplace it's always budget constraints and delayed salary increases. i know im doing better than some others and i keep telling myself that its more impt if the competition is a healthy push to do better and not in a bid to outdo nor to make ourselves less happy. but it's so funny how i used to live with intern allowance or fresh grad pay and i thought i was quite well off. adulting now means phone bills, insurance, credit card bills (and for me, rent - but i dont regret it) but ah wells, as long as one is happy then it's good enough! just live within your means :) 

10 sept was also world suicide prevention day. a few years ago i probably would have dismissed this but as there is more and more awareness on mental health, i have to come to understand my (ex) emotions a bit more. not a lot of people know this, but i knew of two (and a half) people who took their own lives. 

the first one was leo, my senior from uni. i got to know him through teck as leo and nate were joining the samsung competition and they need a female&junior name to add to the group. tldr "we" won (i really didnt do anything) and we got to have a sponsored trip to korea to visit their industrial city Suwon and even have an internship in samsung sg. unfortunately the internship was a waste of time (they really were forced to make a hc for interns so i didnt learn much) and leo didnt even get a chance at the internship cos of his citizenship status. i first learnt of his death through fb when suddenly many friends were posting on his fb page saying rip etc. i didnt really know what was going on until his sister confirmed the death with the funeral deets on his wall ): i rmb going down to the funeral parlor at sin ming, none of the family members shared the cause of his death and i only knew it through a mutual friend a few years later that he was actually struggling emotionally to keep ahead in the rat race despite all his humour facade and positive vibes

the second one was chels whom i learnt of her suicide through xian. in many people's eyes she was weird and introverted but i always just thought she was one with very deep thoughts. it's always funny looking back at how i didnt know she and cs (her brother) were related though they both had the same rare surname. i knew her brother first through xian and then chels at cru but they were so so so different that i never associated their relationship. i even bullied cs to carry my luggage when we were in japan (oops). i dont talk to cs anymore but i hope he managed to move on and heal (':

and the half was the recent policeman who shot himself at marina bay ): the article didnt post the guy's name but when i saw the name online i suspected it was jm's brother cos it was another rare surname. and then i saw my ex-coach posting on it and i realized that it was indeed jm's brother ): just wanna share what she wrote to her brother and i sincerely hope her family does find closure! i admit that it's a difficult topic to touch on and though morbid, i do hope that more cases will help to desensitize this. 

from jm ):

i grew up with very traditional parents who never showed their care openly. whenever i try to show displeasure they would always say things like "everyone else also dont have this problem, why only you have" or whenever i wanted my personal time and not have visitors or to go visiting they would say things like "it's not that i ask you to plan or go out of the house, you just sit there and do nth". it was very tiring to voice my opinions as they would say that i like to argue and partially because of this i chose to move out. i havent actually tried to tell them my actual feelings and i think i need a few more years to reconcile this but actually many times i think if they had someone else's daughter, their daughter might have not taken things so well lol. i know that they dont mean it and it's probably the way they were brought up but im trying to not let myself be influenced and absorb all this negativity :/ wont say that im a saint either but im trying to do better every day (':

and that's pretty much about my life now i guess. im not someone who posts stories about my life on social media every day so til next time when i have the discipline to sit and write in the middle of the night (that's why i cant wake up at 6am lol)

next country of travel after covid! batam! i used to love batam cos its cheap - 2 way ferry for ~$45, cheap cafes, shopping, (and cheap thrill of motorbike rides that my mum doesnt allow me to take in sg) but after covid the ferry tix are $70 now :O haiz nvm la just go see see hor. and i used to stay in harris cos it's affordable and it's right next to the batam center terminal so no $$ and time spent to get cab. before gojek and grab you could only hire cabs from their concierge and the prices were fixed and you guessed it, they would often jack the prices to earn $$ (still considered cheap but still...) :X 

anyway this time round i went with meiyen's friends, lets call them B1, B2 and B2's gf C. i kinda know B1 and met B2 before but it was the first time travelling with them. we had this wa group set up where they were talking about the hotel and everything before the trip. tbh i dont like looking at group chats so when i finally opened the chat after hours it was already 100+ messages. i kinda summarized the texts and they were finalizing on this resort called nongsa marina and resort in the northern part of batam (batam center terminal is at the central-south) and i tot they already booked it for 5 of us since they finalized it but NO. they told me to confirm with meiyen before we booked? okay so first red flag for the 3-2 divide.

our ferry was scheduled to be 9 July 4.40pm. i had the PAP walk in the morn so the timing was just right for me to go home, bathe and grab lunch after the walk before heading out but as murphy's law goes..anything that can go wrong will go wrong. and indeed they did. the ferry operator sent an email on friday night to inform that our 4.40pm ferry was cancelled, and they were bumping us on the 2.30pm ferry at another depature terminal instead (tanah merah instead of the original harbourfront). so we panicked as it was quite last min. i was still hesistant whether to go for the walk in the morning. but eventually i did, MY managed to contact the ferry operator to get 3.30pm tix at harbourfront terminal and everything seemed to be fine.

but when we disembarked the queue at arrival was freaking long ): but we were quite entertained by the malaysian couple in front of us who were squabbling (could tell they were malaysian cos of their accents). we couldnt hear much tbh it was only the girl who kept raising her voice but she kept saying the bf was raising his voice at her?! hahahha excuse me even though he was in front of us we could only hear you okay. and the girl kept saying things like "not happy then break up" really like drama hahahha. and there were many other classic lines like "dont touch me!!" when the guy tried to pull her to keep up with the queue and "not happy then i will leave" (but she didnt leh, really dramatic)

we finally managed to clear immigrations after 2 freaking hours (even C who took the later ferry had caught up with us) and we were supposed to meet the 2 guys for dinner but they were still quite far away in some other mall and MY and i were quite tired and sticky so we decided to grab to the resort first to check in, put our stuff and bathe, leaving C alone at the terminal to wait for the guys.

along the way in the cab, B2 was angry at us for leaving C alone? though both the guys had already said they were on the way to the terminal before MY and i ordered our grab, they only picked C up at the terminal when we were reaching our hotel which was a good 30-40min away. they "thought" we were still with C at the terminal so they "took their own sweet time" to arrive. what nonsense. even if we were still there at the terminal, we already kinda made plans for dinner so why still take own sweet time? ridiculous.

anyway end up MY and i just had dinner at the hotel. which was not too bad imo tho pricey. they were having some event that night so it was like a dinner under the stars, with pretty lights set up romantically. not the right partner to be with but hahahaha.

the guys and C went off to eat a sumptuous seafood dinner but i didnt feel i was missing out tbh. not a big fan of seafood hahahha. but we did meet them for some light drinks in the hotel after they came back. so in the room we were sharing about our day - the long immigration, the quarreling couple and all and B2 kept saying we were stupid for not stuffing a $5 and asking them to tolong (help)? omg how could he even suggest this illegal thing. maybe not illegal in batam but $5 seriously? they would fall for a $5? but still, kidding or not, is really something i will never do. even if it really helps to cut the line. but illegal? no thank you.

okay that's him maybe. and then day 2 was really epic as well. they literally had no plans but to sit at the pool and do nothing but the pool was very dirty and not like the infinity ig worthy kind? hahahha. not judging but im the kind who cant sit still so me and MY wanted to go out to shop and get massage/nails done whatever. BUT THE PLACE DAMN FREAKING FAR NO GRAB WANTED TO TAKE US. i managed to book a grab bike but that was only for 1 and MY didnt managed to book so i left to go to the mall first. pretty much shopped about 2h by myself before we managed to book a grab car for her to come join me. and then we managed to go to my fav cafe opp bcs yay! so thankful it survived covid.

and then for dinner we wanted to meet the other 3. we texted to see if we should meet them at nagoya snd they said ok. but they said they were still running their errands so we can walk around by ourselves first before meeting them. so MY and i went to the hypermarket to get some essentials but before we were done, the other 3 said they were done and they were leaving immediately. no pre-warning? but we werent done at the hypermarket so the 3 just left without us?!?! and said that they will text us the dinner address place so we can grab there ourselves? eventually they got the private hire to circle around the mall before picking us up cos they couldnt wait at the entrance due to mall restrictions. but whatever la. like i tot we were meeting to go dinner together? huh?

and at dinner B2 kept saying i was stupid to throw my life away for a few dollars cos bike is so dangerous? just be generous and spend that extra few $$ more to get a grab car instead. and how could i leave MY there at the hotel. hello? not as if i wanted to?? and not our fault the place so far nobody wanted to pick us up? *rolls eyes*

haiz i dunno but anyway the whole trip it felt like B1 and B2 were upset at us? guys are so petty man *rolls eyes*

and came third day where we were going home. so thankfullllll. and thankful there was strong aircon on the ferry back. else cant cool the heat in my heart. shag trip >.<

Met a friend today who was my sisters classmate. 

She has been with her bf for many years and today she was telling me her bf’s house will be ready on Monday. Oh BTO I asked? She said no it’s resale. So I tot she wanted the house faster so she got resale. Ahh then you getting married soon? I replied. But she said no again, the house only her bf name cos he was 36 already and eligible to buy. Then I asked her about herself and she said she was okay not to put her name cos she will also buy one when she is 35. They have decided not to get kids so they are not very concerned about getting married. They just want separate houses so that they can live in one and rent out the other for money. Is this the trend nowadays? Not getting married cos don’t want kids? And what kind of relationship is that? Partner? Co-living? 

And then we chatted a while about my sister. She asked me if I knew that my sister was pregnant with number 2? Yeah I said I knew. Congrats to her. She has a fulfilling life. But then my friend said she’s not envious of her sister. She’s not excited. That’s good I guess? Kinda happy for her that she’s comfortable and happy and not jealous of others’ lives. As long as we all are happy I guess that’s all that matters? 

still learning to not be affected by society views. Someday (‘:

it's day 163 of year 2022!

how fast time flies!

i've officially moved into my rented apartment now for 2 months and so far the freedom is great, though my main dilemma every day is thinking about what to eat for dinner O.o but i'm really glad for more personal space to grow and heal, and thankful that i have had more time to myself. been watching tdk podcasts and really like some of the controversy topics that they bring up (': (this one really spoke to me, more thoughts on it later)

anyway the covid situation in singapore seems to have stabilized now, we've finally exited dorscon red to re-enter orange after 2+ years (havent heard that term since forever) and masks are now optional outdoors (hope i dont jinx it!) though i feel like singaporeans' attitude towards this pandemic has not changed. recently i had a scare with someone close being positive but still roaming outside because the moh says it's ok to discharge yourself on 12pm on day7. *rolls eyes* well it was legal but that doesnt make it socially right you know but lazy to say it cos we all are adults and we should be more responsible blah.

other than that life seems to have resumed with travel opening up - ive been to KL and genting already though things feel v v different now. i kinda shopped less now or felt the need to buy less things (is it a sign of maturity?) and i kinda dont have the feels to travel anymore. is it cos of the 2 year hiatus? 

this is way overdue but i wanted to write about this while i still remember it!

attended my first ever indian wedding of my jc classmate aarthi on 17 apr. tbh im quite the procrastinator so only one day before the wedding i was frantically googling what attire i should be in and if there was any customary items to do eg give ang bao (equivalents or sth). thankfully aly had an indian friend who helped asked his mum about stuff (': my only close indian friend was the one getting married so no references for me ahahahha

the wedding was at an indian temple next to farrer park mrt. the invitation stated 9-1pm but as usual...me and xp were late HAHAHA. talk about how we used to stand one behind one another in assemblies and our habits are exactly the same lol. when we arrived at the temple we didnt have time to find out which way to proceed cos someone showed us the way immediately though tbh i think it's cos we were clearly out of place being chinese and most likely werent there to take part in the prayers LOL. anyway, the wedding procession was in a hall on the 2nd floor and there was some kind of reception outside where one of the ladies handed us jasmine flowers to put in our hair. inside the hall some rituals happening on the stage and we didnt know what to expect so we just sat down somewhere in the middle. 

the rituals were kinda long so xp and i attempted to put the jasmine flowers in our hair in the meantime though, we were very unsuccessful haha. eventually some kind lady behind us offered us pins and after that also did our hair for us (i think she couldnt take how noob we were). the procession went on for about 2h? but me and xp couldnt appreciate hahahha. we were just amazed at how the guy on stage was so zai? he was blowing some instrument for over 2 hours without stopping? hahha and then after the procession there was the walk in, so we finally got to see our friend, the bride up close (': and im not a wedding person but i just wanted to say she was so beautiful, like literal bliss coming out of her face (':

and then after that people just got up to leave so we followed also. turned out that there was food prepared for the guests downstairs. after choosing our seats me and xp got up to take the trays for the food and were halted by "nonono" from the waiters >.< turned out that we just had to sit and they would serve the food to us (probs covid) so malu hahahha. and we were again amazed by the spread of the food and how aarthi's friends from australia were enjoying it so much? one couple even brought along their baby (looked really tiny like maybe 1 month old?) and we were awed by how the little one survived the airplane trip and didnt cry at all during the wedding O.o

and after the meal, guests could queue to go up stage and take photos with the couple. suaku us again didnt know when to give the ang bao so we went up the stage like 2-3 times to pass the ang bao to aarthi's relatives HAHAHHA. anyways, probs wont have a chance to attend another indian wedding but really an eye opener! (:

the jasmine flowers in our hair

the scrumptious lunch we had. how many kinds of curry are there?

Thankful that it’s almost the end of March soon 🎉 its been a really crazy month with iras tax filing (albeit only 100+ employees compared to when I did 1k+), bonus budgets and all.

Many other non-work “exciting” things also happened as well like the wild boar loose in #Yishun. Made me think of when people used to summon balrogs in kerning killing all those noobs trying to PQ (only the 90s peeps would know huh lol). Thankful that the wild boar has been caught (poor piggy) and the suay woman is recovering well.

And then I also fell off my bike so I couldn’t exercise for 2 weeks 😥 so feeling fat again hahaha.

And then with work it’s almost 1 year anniversary for me. Wonder how long I’ll stay this time? But it seems like career is finally taking off for me? This was sth that I prayed about many years ago and I guess I’m grateful things have gone kinda smoothly this time round.

And last but not least, not to be greedy but can God grant me my other wish too? O.o pretty pls hahaha