Insomnia woes again. time check. it's 4.37am. been trying to get to sleep for the past 3h but cant. meh.

there's lots of thoughts on my mind. mostly triggered by the early "merry xmas-es" that people have been wishing. it's 16 days to the end of a decade!!! where has all the time gone? i still remember myself celebrating end of 2018 at nss with the usual fireworks and then setting 2019 goals....out of which i have only completed one? >.<

in retrospect it hasnt been a great year. it started out okay then things started going downhill from halfway..july and august were the hardest months for me. a lot of unexpected stuff happened but..ah wells. time to move on.

on the other hand, had a lot of self-care and self-check moments this year. i used to wish i could be more mature but this year im going to ask for self-sustenance instead. this topic came up when i was having a convo with the mentor Alan. i thought being mature meant being able to take in others' comments without being judgemental, and to know the right thing to do at the right time and making sure that others did the same, but he asked me why i was so bothered with others not doing the right thing. he said that i should accept things the way they are, that they happened and that i wont be able to change things, nor that i need to change things.

there were lots of times i nearly gave up this year. with the kids, with work, with friends, with family with life. there were lots of times i felt so burnt out i just wanted to run away. but i got through them and this is going to make me a stronger person i hope? not hoping much for the rest of 2019, just want it to be peaceful.

may 2020 be a better year (: