Of [paper] Cuts, Coffee and Conversations

Finally ended this terrible week. Aside from payroll week there’s also bonus this month so extra OTs and a lot more of unappreciation (okay there’s no such word)

Been through bonus period once last year already so I roughly know how stressful it is and how much work there is to be done (and the worst part was I wasn’t even eligible for bonus last year but I still worked my guts out ): ) so I was kinda prepared for it this year but so many things were happening at the same time.

1. T’s overseas this year so less help. Last year it was HMM. Forever only 2 of us doing work hahahha

2. But even with less help, both of us werent fully utilised? Okay that’s not the right word. Hmm both of us werent even 100% working on bonus that week. there's supposed to be a lot to do. supposed. finalize calculations, double check backpays, print letters (mail merging of 100++ letters), process payroll on top of the usual payroll stuff but we both still went home at 6pm that week cos we couldnt do anything? we only started to OT on thu o.O

3. T came back on Friday. 22 March. When my payroll was supposed to be approved. okay most of the numbers were done. BUT MY BLOODY LETTERS WERENT. they're supposed to be done concurrently?? like whatever your payroll numbers are, it's supposed to reflect on the letters? and after printing the letters still need to double check, sign, photocopy and fold. but wed the template for letters not even finalized yet??? like i dont get what my boss is unhappy about the template? and tbh now is definitely not the time to change. it's T-2 days! speaking of this more boils but okay chillllll. 

4. Anyway when T came back she got angry. Hahha it’s rare that I see her flare up. But this year I’ve heard her say the f word more than 3 times already. 300% increase from last year LOL. She was upset that the admin staff in other departments got more bonus than us, though we're all corporate functions. oh wells. i think im so numb that i cant be bothered anymore. the world [company]'s not fair and if not happy just leave lorrrrr. hahah

5. Friday night. my letters only less than half folded??? tmr monday liao. to everyone who got the letters, the date printed is 20 March. hahhaha 5 days to print, sign, photocopy and fold letters. well done.

On a side note I think I’m so independent that its crazy. I actually told someone that I want out of their life.

Conversations with kids these two days..

Pulled out a movie for the ss kids to watch on sunday. on sat when i was deciding which movie to show (Miracles from Heaven, 2016 vs Case for Christ, 2017) and i decided upon C4C in the end cos partially i couldnt download MFH LOL and another reason was cos C4C was on my watchlist for the longest time ever, i was very worried that they wouldnt like it, cos the movie was set in the 1980s and it was quite adultish (MFH's main plot was about the girl which C4C was about the journalist father) but surprisingly they were quite intrigued by it and kept asking questions! the movie starts off with the background of the main char (Lee) and then changes into a scene that sets the whole background for his journey. Lee, his wife Leslie and his daughter Alison were at a restaurant when Ali choked on a gumball and they all started panicking. luckily one of the restaurant patrons was a trained nurse and she saved Ali. Leslie was so grateful that the patron (Alfie) was there but Alfie said it wasnt a coincidence she was there; she initially decided to go to another restaurant for dinner but God told her she had to be at that restaurant that night and this sparked Leslie's interest in Christianity. and the movie goes on to talk about how Lee, because of his wife, started his discovery journey in initially finding evidence to debunk the existence of Christ but later believing in Christ himself.

and after that opening scene, Samuel (the naughtiest boy in class), kept asking me what would happen to someone if the person choked and wasnt saved. he had a very scared look on his face and he was asking in a worried tone. so i calmly explained what choking was, how people could choke on big food items (like the gumball and fishballs) and he innocently said he would never eat fishballs again. hahhaha. but of course i assured him that as long as he properly chews his food and not talk while eating he's safe. but he still insisted on abstaining from fishballs. aww hahaha.

and later throughout the movie they were very glued to the screen, they didnt make noise unlike usual classes and they even asked one of the boys to keep quiet so that they could enjoy the movie aww. AND THEY EVEN ASKED ME TO COME EARLIER NEXT WEEK SO THAT THEY COULD FINISH THE MOVIE ON TIME. wow. amazeballs hahaha. so so so different from their devilish normal selves

and then today

is a weird conversation with my tuition kid haha.
D is primary 3 this year and he was telling me stories (yes kids love to tell stories which are completely random hahaha) and yes his stories came out of nowhere (AND WERE ALSO CREEPY) he was telling me stories about dead people? babies in particular. i rmb his first story is about this girl who was pregnant in secondary school and when she gave birth she threw the newborn into the dustbin. and the police came to arrest her. what?? and the next story was more epic. it was about this maid who was tasked to take care of a newborn but the baby kept crying and the maid couldnt take it so she put the baby into the freezer. YES YOU DID NOT READ WRONG. and then she peacefully sat down on the sofa to watch tv now that the cryings were muffled. and then the mistress came home and asked where the baby was. the maid was so terrified that she lied that someone had taken away the baby and ran away. so the mistress questioned her, why didnt she chase after the person and why she was relaxing on the sofa? and the maid knew she couldnt hide anymore and so she pushed the mistress away and ran out of the flat. and i asked D what happened to the baby, he said that the mistress found the baby in the freezer eventually but the baby had died already. and of course i asked where he learned these stories from, he initially said newspaper, but then i probed further and he revealed that his primary 2 teacher told him all these "dead people" stories. my jaw dropped. not at the fact that he related all these stories to me in a calm manner, but rather WHAT ARE TEACHERS IN SCHOOL TEACHING NOWADAYS...i already felt so scared listening to these stories, what more a 9 year-old boy, but the fact that he was expressionless says that he probably is immune to such stories??

so so so scary teaching kids nowadays. i cant even imagine having my own. what should i expose them to first :O

sidenote: i used to think i only want one kid cos i will be able to focus more attention on her (i only want one girl! and i know what to name her already haha) and able to devote more resources to develop her but now i think i want 3 kids haha. totally undeterred by the challenging/weird conversations haha. anyway cos i feel that a family portrait of 5 will look nicer; like the 2 parents sitting on the chairs then the 3 kids standing behind. okay i think maybe my mindset has changed cos babies are popping up around me?? like kero just gave birth! (his wife i mean) and all the church cell people. cant wait to see keromyn (in person baby) aww (':

Good read: If You're Too Busy for these 5 Things

and..im too busy to finish this post lol. okay not true. it's just that there's so many things going on every day i dont have the time to properly sit down and have time to myself. work, church, community, tuition, ss, dinners, playtime, coffee..im envious of people who seem to have their lives put together. "seem". people tell me that i seem happy too. but truth is, im struggling with this #adulting thing. being in a people-related job isnt helping either. i cant sit down at my desk for 15 min peacefully without an email/text/physically someone coming to ask me something that's not related to me. urgh. badly need a holiday to recharge :/

Tuesday.
Taking my first legit MC in 5 years? cant rmb the last time i fell sick. stomach flu in year 1 while studying for biz law finals or food poisoning after yoogane with my and xp? the funny thing is, my body only falls ill on weekends. it's like it knows im a workaholic hahaha. but anyway i feel fine physically, just mentally im very tired. i havent had a good night's rest in weeks. just so tired of facing people though it's my job. you know i actually got scolded by one ridiculous staff ytd? *rolls eyes* sigh and actually my leg is aching very badly. is it due to bowling training on sunday? old le. meh :/

Today I spent about half an hour listening to an employee share his/her views about his/her boss. Okay let’s call the employee A to disguise his/her identity. A recently tendered, and since it’s quite near to bonus month, it came as a shock as people usually hold out til bonus month (1 year worth of suffering for that increment and that possible 3-4 months extra!!) unless they really bth or they already have an offer that gives them so much more basic that the bonus is negligible.

Anyway back to A, I was in the pantry with another colleague when A came over to sit down next to me. The moment A sat down I was thinking in my head “oh shit I need to get up and move” and so I quickly reached forward to pick up my rubbish from the table but A caught it and asked if I was leaving cos he/she was here.

“No..I just wanted to throw my rubbish cos it’s too unsightly” I wittingly replied. Then I sat back down after doing so and A started pouring out his/her story..

A talked about his/her dissatisfaction with his/her boss, how the boss was disrespectful, and used an unacceptable tone with A. Okay 90% of people quit cos of their bosses, so it’s not a surprise for A's reason of resignation. Furthermore I had worked with A’s boss and I know how the boss can be quite unreasonable and unprofessional. but throughout the whole conversation i was trying hard not to judge because i have had heard stuff about A’s working attitude as well.

Sure having a good leader is really important, a leader who shows appreciation, who respects, motivates and all but at the same time the staff must be receptive to all these as well. i consider myself a millennial but i must agree that millennials arent the easiest to work with. we're too entitled; we want everything and we cant stand anything.

but i wanna focus more on the supervisor/the so-called "leader". i realize it's a Gen X mentality that most Gen X leaders don’t realise that leadership's not about the title; it’s about the way you act and treat your peers/subordinates/the people around you.  i have worked with a few Gen X-ers and i concur that their leadership theory is quite flawed. they think that just because they are placed in that position they are invincible? they talk down to candidates in interview, give snide remarks to subordinates..seriously millennials nowadays, if they dont like it they JUST WALK RIGHT OUT. nobody needs this bl**dy d*** job and nobody will stand there to listen to how you think we should be more initiative. even our parents dont talk to us this way, and just because we're receiving your salary, doesn't mean that we have to accept all without refunds.

but then again. Gen X-ers were brought up this way, they were the ones who have been through the so-called crises, and emerged the most successful today. so are we millennials being weak? am i weak for believing that leadership should be humane and not top-down?

thoughts please.

An older colleague secretly squeezed this angbao into my hands today.
“给你” she said.
I said no, you don’t have to.
She insisted as I wasn’t married
“我自己有赚钱” I rejected again.
“祝福你” she smiled.

Aww. The amount is small, but the thought is immense 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Really thankful to meet such genuine people in the office amidst all the politics ❤️❤️

is it true that a single will be more committed? as an employer would you choose to employ a single, a married candidate with no kids or one with kids if salary/calibre/experience were negligible?

i actually left this in draft for more than a week so it's not true that a single is more committed haha. but anyway, i had this thought because keromyn asked me, and i shared with him my experience of working with 3 married colleagues. colleague A who's my age has 2 kids aged 2 and 4. she leaves work on the dot to fetch the kids every day. she often takes urgent leave cos her kids fall sick often. colleague B who's about 13 years older than me also 2 kids but her kids are in primary school already. she sometimes work overtime but if her husband isnt in singapore she has to leave work on the dot to pack food for her kids. both do not have after-work activities except maybe on friday nights. stays at home on weekend. on the other hand, colleague C just got married last year, no kids, still rather yolo, goes out after work to meet friends/dinner/drink frequently.

me. single. OTs all the time, replies emails at insane hours, writes at insane hours too (it's 12.57am btw), but still finds time to mps/gym/meet friends/run errands/tuition/church. is it a time thing? or a priority thing or a commitment thing? hmm. even if i were attached i probably still do all of the above? i wont be happy if my other half restricts me to do stuff. but with kids would be a different thing i guess. priority should be the kids. i'll probably give up tuition first, then mps, then gym in that order? or maybe i would have to give up all hahhaha.

and yes.

even my anti virus is being relatable. commitment haha. so what exactly would induce one to commit? passion? money? mood? i dunno either. ive committed to teaching kids for at least 7 years now, and to the community for 3 years (though i did take a hiatus to get away from toxic people). is it cos im single? tbh all my so-called activities take up a lot of time too. i barely sleep 8h (okay but that's a habit also) my only rest day is sunday (after ss) but im not sure if im happy. i do know im overworked though. but then again i have a workaholic personality and an ocd personality, i cant stand it if i see that there's unread email so i will go and click my inbox to read and reply. unless it's not impt then i'll unread it and leave it to the next day to reply when im in the office. am i being committed? hmm. not like i'll earn more for being more efficient and clearing more work. and it's not like cos i have no kids to take care of too. what do you think?

sidenote: a lot of things have been happening in the office but its hard to share these stuff with someone. :/ just gonna keep it in til it's the right time i guess